Wellspring UMC; Fifth Sunday in Lent; March 9, 2008: “Blindness and Sight”:
-John 9: 1-12, 13-18, 24-41
It had been a horrible year. Not only had she been let go by her employer of fifteen years, but the year began with a sense that things were not right in her relationship with her husband. At first she wrote it off as a part of the stress. After all, if she was stressed, her family would feel it. She put it in the back of her mind and focused on finding another job which would help subsidize their daughter and son’s college educations.
Now that they were empty-nesters, she had the time to work hard searching for a job, so she did. He just seemed to work hard. He left early and came home late. They were like ships passing in the night, a brief hello in the morning and a goodnight at bed time was about the extent of their connection.
They drifted apart. Farther and farther, and the reality of the distance didn’t hit her until that day she did the laundry and found lipstick on his collar. Things began to add up, and it was as if a light went off. She’d been blinded by her own...call it self-absorption, unbelief or denial...but she did not see it coming, until that instant when she gained her sight. Ironically, in one moment she recognized her blindness to the Truth, while at the same time, what she saw was blindingly dark.
That was almost a year ago, and despite the divorce, the dissolution of 20 years together, she was emerging on the other side. The shroud of darkness which became a pall over her life that fateful day, was no longer that upon which she obsessed. It was no longer that which possessed her. Through deep prayer, the love and care of family and friends, the support of her church, and her determination to not let this be the be all and end all, the blinding, restricting brokenness did not have the last word. God did.
Instead, God led her to seek help, lean into her relationships. God help her be honest with herself, her ex, and her children, and she was given the opportunity to grow and change, and in the process she realized how blind she had been to her own faults, and how blind she remained to the mistakes in her relationships. The “lipstick revelation,” as she called it, could have been the end. The darkness could have overcome her, but it did not.
There was something greater, someone more powerful, a light far brighter than any darkness, and it/He had brought her what she needed. Oh, her days were far from perfect, but they were hopeful.
Many couldn’t figure her out. After all, they felt she had no reason to be so forward focused. That she shouldn’t have forgiven her husband. She should have been vindictive. She should have done what any ‘normal’ person would have done, but she didn’t.
But when confronted with such questions and attitudes, she could only say, “All I know is, I was once blind, but now I see. I once lived a life of dysfunction, but now I am learning to live into health. I once was broken, now I am being put back together again. I once thought like so many others who question me that vengeance was mine, but now having gone through it and come out on the other side, I see that somehow Jesus made a way where there was no way.”
He
grew up a son of a wealthy banker. He
could have anything he wanted, and in fact he did. An only child, it was easy for the family to
travel across the globe on vacations.
They’d been to
It
started with just one harmless drink. He
and his best friend Tommy snuck into his parent’s wet bar while they were out
of town on a trip. At first he hated the
taste but loved how it made him feel.
One thing led to another, and a drink turned into smoking. The smoke became a toke, and the toke
eventually led to a snort or two...in that same condo off-campus. He could do anything he wanted...and he did.
However,
he was one of the lucky ones, and when I say that, I mean, he hit bottom at an
early age – 25, and it may well have saved HIS life. Unfortunately, he could not bring back the
life tragically cut short because he chose to drive when he shouldn’t. He didn’t remember what happened, but when he
woke up the next morning in the hospital with a police officer outside his
door, he knew he was in trouble. When he
was placed in a cell until his parents could bond him out, he knew he had to
take an assessment of his life. When he
stood before the judge and was sentenced to jail time and drug treatment, he
knew that things had to change. He used
to do anything he wanted, but now he couldn’t.
Upon
entering he had to decide whether to play the system or take advantage of what
the system offered. He chose the latter,
and over the years his life began to unravel...in a good and necessary way. He got into treatment and was able to name
the resentment he had toward his parents and the pain that he felt because of
them. However, he also recognized his
part in blaming them and his resistence to take responsibility for himself.
He
began to see things within himself he’d never seen before, and when he did, it
wasn’t a good thing...at first. Instead
of seeing something good, he saw what was bad...horrible in fact. What he saw brought pain and struggle. It revealed the shroud of denial which
permeated his relationships and his life.
Things to which he was blind, and yet now he saw. In seeing, however, he received life.
While
serving his time he found himself led to a group of inmates whom others said
served “easy” time, not because they had it any easier, but because they seemed
to make it through the day easier than the rest. They were tight-knit and seemed to care for
each other and those around them, and that made a huge difference in their
lives. They were different, and he felt
moved to start a conversation with them.
Come
to find out, they were Christ followers, and many of them saw the light only
when they hit the darkness at the bottom of the well. Their lives were dark and horrid, and yet
there was something, someone with them who seemed to make things right. Oh, the struggle and the pain didn’t go away,
in fact it was actually worse because along the journey they were encouraged to
go into the darkness and pain. They were
told to face their fears, their past, the living hell, but knowing that they
were not alone. They could go there
because the others, serving ‘easy’ time, would be with them, and so would the
One who had opened their eyes and hearts to grace.
Our
friend listened and learned from them, and as he did, things seemed to
change. The days weren’t quite as bad,
his life wasn’t so horrible. He found
people who were honest enough to tell him the Truth about himself and God, and
slowly, day by day, he began to catch glimpses of who God needed him to become. It was as if scales were chipped away from
his eyes, and he was able to see what he’d never seen before.
Over
time and at each stage of progression, there were doubters all around. There were folks who just couldn’t and
wouldn’t believe it. They wanted to keep
him in the abuser/criminal box. They
could only see what they expected and what they’d seen time and time again with
folks like him. And all he could say to
them was, “All I know is I was a
self-centered, self-serving, addicted SOB.
I didn’t care about anyone else and used everything and everyone that I
could. But then I found myself in jail,
and something, someone found ME. I’ve
cried many tears, wondered how I could live through this, and discovered far
more than I ever thought I could about myself and life. I’ve asked hard questions and been beaten
down by doubters, but through it all my eyes and life has been opened. What I did not see, I now do see, and with me
all the way has been Jesus.”
The man in our scriptures was blind from birth, but when Jesus saw him, Jesus knew that God needed to reveal the Truth through the situation. Jesus took some mud and spit and made a paste. He told the man to wash in the pool whose name is “Sent.” The man did, and his blindness was gone. For the first time in his life, he saw the world.
Unfortunately the world didn’t see what he saw, and instead of celebrating with him, their blindness only led them to condemn. Their blindness to God’s work, revealed to the man how blind people are when they won’t let themselves go...when they won’t take a look at what they see, rather that get stuck in what has always been.
When it all came to a head, it ended up being them against him, and all he could say was, “All I know is, I was blind and now I see.”
There
is blindness, and there is sight. There
are things that we see and things we do not.
There are times that we go through that beat us down and cut us up. There is darkness that shrouds our lives and
our world. There are things about
ourselves that we avoid. There are
situations which come that make us feel as if we cannot go through them. There is even a season in the Church year
when we are invited to look into the darkness and seek the things we desire to
stay blind to. There are many ways in
which blindness is central to living, and yet God doesn’t want us to stay
there.
Instead,
God wants us to receive sight. Instead,
God desires that we go to the dark places, go through the dark times, go into
the dark spaces of life, knowing two things: 1) that we journey with God and
one another, and 2) that when we go to and through the darkness, we come out on
the other side, to the light which brings true sight.
And
yes, we avoid it. We don’t want to
experience the pain or the change. We
don’t want to truly see. But if we take
the risk and go through the blindness, despite not knowing what to expect, nor
being able to explain what or how it happens, we are changed for the better.
And
despite the world’s questions, despite our own questions and doubts, sometimes
the only answer, and the only truth of blindness to sight, sometimes the only
thing we can hang our lives on is simply this, “All I know is...” Despite it, in the midst of it, by the grace
of it, we see and receive True life.
During this last week before Holy Week, where are the dark places in your life? Where are you blind? Where does God need you to see? What do you do with the naysayers and the negative, destructive voices in our heads?
Simply say and believe, “All I know is...Jesus is light and life.” Amen.